Honesty pt. VI.... the pivot.

I keep saying that these threads will end soon and i realized last night that probably never will. The need for honesty will never be quenched. Plus i'd like to see how high i can count in roman numerals.

Honesty... good lord. Reading through the earlier installments, i was reminded how these started. As letters to You. As an honest moment that friends and have and a subconscious plea for advice. But last night i realized that for the past six months i haven't been honest. Ya i said it a few times because i knew it was appropriate...

I hurt. 

But i never let myself really break down. I kept busy, i thought i was suppose to. I moved forward and i did well where i was. So last night i got on my knees in a room full of strangers and i was honest. I saw that face in my mind and it hurt... I let it for the first time in months. I know you've seen this in me since last July, but i just haven't wanted to feel it. I still don't. 

We're being honest right? Honestly... i want her to know. I want her to know what this feels like. Not to hurt her as well but for her to understand what happened here. Justification?

Calm down though, before You go proving me wrong; i know it's a bad idea. I'm not looking for a battle. And the more i think about it i'd really rather You fix this in me instead of trying to reconcile things my way. It seems like that way it would stay fixed...

My fixings always come loose... i can see You laughing at me now.

So i'm sorry for straying from that honesty policy we had. I'm back for good now... until the next time i'm not. So let's be real: i'm in pain and i want You to take this.

Sry i'm not an easier project... love You.

-dave