Widening the Margins

2010 will be known, for me, as the year that God shook my world completely. It's been 23 years coming. I know undoubtedly that it will happen, that it needs to happen, and there's something strange i find myself doing. It's almost like i'm preparing for it. Like God said to me "hey dave, i'm gonna change a lot of things in and about you this year." and I began scurrying around the house picking up, and dusting because... well... God is coming over.

You know, it's really strange, work that I use to find tedious and daunting like some great looming task is now so much easier. Like spring cleaning when you're expecting company that you're excited to receive. Sure, the work doesn't actually get any easier, but with the excitement and motivation you have to do it, you just don't seem to mind as much.

And now, like some great puzzle, i'm staring down at my life spread out on the table and I have no earthly idea where to begin in piecing everything together, but I can at least see the pieces clearly. The blank beige backs have been flipped over exposing the tiniest hint of a greater picture that I feel Him calling me to bring to life.

Its strange knowing you're called very specifically to build onto something, and knowing without any shadow of doubt that its a very detailed, specific and eternal task you're called to... and yet you don't quite have enough details to really be able to boil it down to one simple sentence full of of purpose. So i'll widen the margins on my explanation of what i see coming until I hear clearly the voice of God tell me to narrow it down and what to narrow it down to.

I'm called to be a servant, and i'm waiting for my next task.

Spiritual Contraception: A Heart Issue

I've had the really awesome opportunity to see the church in North America in a lot of different communities. I gotten to travel through the Mid-west, spend some time in Montreal, Toronto, New Brunswick, and all the way down to Central America. Then of course there's the Bible belt here in Texas and we have our own brand of "hallelujah!" here. So i've gotten to meet a lot of really... interesting people. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, i just mean to say that when you're completely removed from any and all comfort zone, or familiar environments you get to see things more objectively.

Now i've been reprimanded for tattoos and "ear jewelry", i've been healed when i didn't realize i needed healing and been told that worship would've been much better if my guitar hadn't been making "those darn zippin' noises" the whole time. BUT i've also been met with unyielding hospitality, received words of confirmation and encouragement, and learned lessons in places i thought i was brought in to teach.

One lady stands out in mind as i'm writing. I was in a small church in Houston. We'd just finished leading the church in worship and i was meeting new people and thanking everybody for having us, when i saw her coming for me. We locked eyes for one second and the next she was right there in my personal space.

"Oh honey you're pregnant!"

"...Um... excuse me?"

"Yes dear, you're pregnant with the spirit, stop ignoring it."

"...I... uh... yes ma'am."

"oh dear look at me, i'm scaring you half to death here. I'm sorry, i get excited and lose all tact. Here's the thing though. I see you're pregnant with a great deal of healing and power, and believe that God wants you to realize it before you drown it out in the lights."

"..........."

"Thanks so much for visiting! We enjoyed it. 'Night!"

I had chalked that night up with the rest of the "crazies", but that woman's words have been on my heart lately. I came across a website that is trying an experiment. 60 days dedicated to improving one's communication with God. Post-it notes on the bathroom mirrors, watches set to beep every hour on the hour, and a thousand other little reminders to help improve our communication with God.

Spiritual Contraception.

I need just as much improvement in the this area as the worst of us, but something seriously bugged me about this for some reason, and after thinking about it long and hard i realized its the habitual nature of the thing. The idea of giving God a whole 60 days to form the habit in us of talking to him when our world is interrupted by a watch beep or a post-it note. And so the problem i think i see in us is a heart issue. As unhealthy and threatening to a thriving relationship with God as i think this experiment is, how do you teach a genuine desire to communicate with God. How do you teach a soul to grow short of breath when it hasn't heard it's makers voice. How do you avoid the "spiritual contraception" in actions that turn our response to God in to habit. How do you teach the actions of an adolescent Jesus who meets His heart-sick worried parents with "Why is it you've been looking for me? Did you not know that I had to be in my Fathers house?" (Luke 2:41-52) After they've been looking for Him for 3 days only to find Him with the elders in the church. Talking, learning.

"I had to be in my Father's house" Nurturing the pregnant will of God that was growing in Him. Not stifling it with habit out of responsibility, but growing it with devotion out of desire.

It's still a question i'm not sure i have the answer to. How do you teach desire? I don't know, but i've learned how to smother it. May our hearts be aware and sensitive to the habits we form, great though they may seem, that aren't born out of genuine desire.

A prayer more than a review - Pedro the Lion/David the Digger

So i just bought David Bazan's new record "Curse Your Branches". Incredible stuff. If you've followed him at all throughout his career you'd know his first band, Pedro the Lion, and the massive impact they had on christian music in their unwavering honesty. Something that's so scarce and so precious in a scene that can be dominated by idealism and porcelain fronts -Fragile and beautiful. I remember the first PtL record i bought, the Whole EP. It was the first experience i had with a record that made me feel like i was sitting down and having the most honest conversation of my life with someone. Not be sold anything. Lyrics like: "Rest in me little David and dry all your tears, You can lay down your armor and have no fear. Cause i'm always here when you're tired of running, i'm all the strength that you need." (Lullaby, Whole Ep, '97), or his heartfelt rendition of Be Thou My Vision (The Only Place I Feel Secure, '99). These songs Felt like something new to me.

David went on to form another band later on called The Headphones. One that explored more controversial methods of communication. Tracks like S**t Talker, Gas and matches, and Hot Girls, dug their finger deeper into wounds that the church was trying to cover up in an effort to raise awareness and instead raised hell. Angry undertones caught my attention and eventually i came to believe that some things he said in sarcastic tone, were really being said out loud as he convinced himself of there cynical truth.

So here i'm listening to his new record and admiring the signature honesty that Bazan can pull of in a way that makes you empathize with him. But i'm hearing blatant lyrics like "Did you push us when we fell?" and "In my throat, there swells a darkness. It fills my mouth, and coats my lips... Oh, falling leaves should curse their branches, For not letting them decide where they should fall, And not letting them refuse to fall at all." Or the saddest of all "When Job asked you a question, You responded, 'Who are you to challenge your creator?' Well if that one part is true It makes you sound defensive, like you had not thought it through, like you didn't have an answer, like you bit off more than you could chew"

What happened to a, once so positive, poet? My calvinist friend might tell me he just wasn't one of the "Divine Elect", or he would irresistibly be God's forever. My Armenianist friend might tell me he's just exercising his free will and changing his mind like our Benevolent God gave us the choice to do. Both would argue their point fervently, but both would speak SOLEY from opinion and interpretation. It's been my experience that the one thing no one can legitimately argue is experience.

"God changed my life."

"No He didn't"

It just doesn't work. Only that person can say what they've experienced, and no one else can take that from them. My point being i found something in PtL's music early on that i could identify with. Something that i saw was beautiful. And when a man that celebrate as a poet turned a corner, he didn't take me with him. And neither should any argument that anyone throws at you.

Here's what i'm getting at... experience God for yourself. I have no idea what's going through the mind of David Bazan, nor the heart thereof, and i never will. But i commend him for always digging. Unfortunately he hasn't found what he was looking for.... i know i have. I know i found it in the face of a passionate loving God.

So take what ANYONE says to you with a grain of salt. Test it, and hold on to what is good. Experience God for yourself and make up your own mind. There are so many "movements" nowadays and they're all fighting for your allegiance. But we either swear our allegiance to God, or to nothing at all. Those are our choices. He is everything and everything apart from Him is nothing. I challenge you to experience Him for yourself, dig into him. See what you find.

Interesting links: Then Now