The one different dynamic that i noticed this time was that there was an outside factor. Because as much as we would have loved to.... we couldn't rent out the whole island. So i watched families and drunk old men stare at us and wonder what was going one. Anytime i walked through the halls or across the beach with a sound system or instrument i was stopped at least ten times.
"What's going on here!?"
"OOOooo are you guys going to be playing live music!?"
"What time does it start!?"
Sorry, i'm just here with a church camp, no live music tonight......
It all gave me a sudden initial exciting thought. People really long for community. At least that was my initial thought. The more i moved along throughout the week and gave the same disappointing answer to people i began to wonder if it was community or entertainment that they all longed for.
I'm not sure i want to entertain...
Standing on the shore with my feet in the water and feeling, for the first time at the sight of the Ocean, so incredibly small in comparison with God made me think. About what I'm doing with my time here. About learning how to "work the stage". About how much time i wasted straightening my bow tie and throwing my hat away at just the right time... Did these waves i was watching now notice? Did they give a crap what my last name was? nope. they went on forming new shorelines regardless of my new pants or catchy hooks.
Don't get me wrong i love performing and it's been my sanity for the past year, but i wonder if the importance i've assigned it wasn't incredibly over estimated. I still have things i'd love to say and melodies i hear that could help carry the message, but i think now that the people who are on stage with me or the size of that stage are just details. the color of the lights, the mix, my clothes... all just details. Because i'm realizing that i love, but can live without, being an entertainer.
I watched kids, that i've grown to love very much and pray for every night, encounter the creator... and no one was thinking about my name. The waves joined in praise later that night along with us and no one was thinking about my bands new shirts. There was nothing to "set the ambiance" but God's work.
I guess i'm just feeling more and more that if even the waves that could snuff me without a thought are rolling in an effort to cry out God's name... i could bear to dedicate my life to the same.