Pot, Punches, & Bradley...

I spent a the longest week of my life, recently, in a cabin at Camp Eagle that smelled like poop, B.O., and middle school boys who haven't showered all week.

Now i've been to plenty of youth camps before, mind you - tons of them. But i'm use to camps that pamper their campers with games, good food, and 6 hours of free time a day. So when the neighborhood boys from the rough part of town who've been apprehensive to come to church asked about it, I told them it was gonna be a blast. "we'll have water games, mud wars, archery, swimming... and maybe one hike.....one."

Well that's not how Camp Eagle swings. Yes it was fun, and yes, they do a great job... with kids who come from a churched culture. But these inner city kids we brought just weren't having it. I myself was struggling to keep up with the fact that we had to hike for 45 minutes to get ANYWHERE.

Needless to say... a rebellion began. I broke up fights, chased kids a mile and half down the roads that led to nowhere, policed some language that would make Quentin Tarantino blush, and confiscated drugs (don't worry, he assured me they weren't his. Someone must have put them in his bag.)

I spent time with these kids and helped them through the moments when it seemed like the whole camp, chalk full of white kids from the suburbs, was watching them in disapproval. When they we're exhausted and cussing me out, I sat and waited. When they were sitting a room by themselves, waiting to be sent home - waiting for the hammer to drop - waiting to be kicked out like they had been before, we talked. About nothing - about everything - about music - about the Gospel.

And on the very last night I got to stand in the back of the pavilion, overlooking the river, exhausted, dirty, hot, at a loss... but joyful. Because, the very hardest one of them all, the kid who was quickest to throw a punch and slowest to smile, met Jesus. He was sure. He was positive and he wanted to tell everyone that night and be baptized by us. As I stood at the back with my head in my arms, singing, praying and crying, i felt a nerdy little hand on my back. It was Bradley. 4 feet tall, knock knees and size 12 shoes, bradley is easily the nerdiest kid in this great state of Texas. But Bradley's heart is big, his smile is genuine, and his spirit is sweet.

"Tell me what's going on buddy." He said looking up at me with his glasses hanging on for dear life at the tip of his nose. "nothing buddy, i'm good." "Ok, well dont be sad if you are." "ok bradley, i won't be."

And I wasn't.

That week beat the life out of me. But that night we baptized, who I thought was, the least likely to inherit the kingdom that week. I was reminded why I love youth ministry. Those inner-city kids reminded me, Bradley reminded me, being used and seeing results reminded me.

And now i'm leaving... and it sucks. I'm excited for the next chapter, but i'll miss playing apart in the rest of this one.

Specificity

We're always at a crossroads. I'm coming up on 25 now and I keep hearing about the "quarter life crisis" (I won't lie it feels like one), but i'm not sure age has anything to do with it. There are always decisions to be made, our environment changes and circumstances force us to deal with it.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Mainly because as a husband of six months and i want to build a family in a way that will provide a life that impacts others, but i've also been watching. Watching old friends, strangers, new friends and family. I have a friends that are incredibly driven, some by status, some by relationships, some by money, some who just cant bear the idea of not doing better. I also have friends that aren't. Period. Friends who have no problem with where they are now, who they're with, what they make or anything else. Both, i'd say, can be motivated or unmotivated to fault. So now i'm trying to find a balance between the two. Which category would my friends throw me in if they wrote a narcissistic blog like mine? hmmmmm...

So instead of making a list of should's and should'ves, wins and regrets, I got to talking to brother of mine about goals. Mine have changed a lot over the past years, or at least i thought they had. When i was 18 i was a dating a girl i thought i'd marry and working at a church i honestly thought i'd work at... forever.

Even typing either of those things is embarrassing.

I'll spare you the 20 other scenarios i've been wrong about, but suffice it to say there have been plenty, each more frustrating that the last. So obviously there's more to it than that. There has to be right? Why set goals and expectation about things we have such little control over it? There's no way in grand scheme and poetice genius of our creator that this is how we're suppose to go about it.

But goals are good right? I mean I mentioned, in negative light, the result of no goals earlier. Complacency. So maybe our (my) problem thus far has been specificity. I'm not saying i want to sell all my things, cast the net wide and make my goals to be things like "sunshine" and "smiles", but i think a number is far too fickle a thing for us to put our rest in. Be that number an area code or dollar sign. How many kids we have, how much money we make, what city we live in, where we vacation. Those numbers own so many many of us and for what?

I learned a lesson in identity early on and it really stuck with me. We aren't our jobs, our families, our names or even our own. As believers, we're servants of the Living God. Nothing more (though what more is there) and nothing less. So i've set goals. I want to love my wife the way i'm called to, I want raise children who impact lives, I want to build meaningful relationships with the people who come in to my life and find common ground and a way to love the people with whom it's difficult to do so. That being said, i can make 30 or 300 a year and it won't matter as long as my family is being provided for, and i'm living like i'm called to.

Work hard , no exceptions, and enjoy life, no holds barred. But before your feet hit the ground every morning, remember who you are. Find your identity as a servant of your Creator. May we set our goals in accordance with that. May we make our decisions in that light. May we spend our time pouring into things that will carry on into the age to come when this world is restored.