My PostSecret....

i discovered a new online phenomenon this weekend through a friend. PostSecret. It's a site/service that allows people to post they're deepest secrets anonymously and be read by thousands. Some form of a release i suppose and with no consequence. It's so surprising to hear some of the secrets. Some are confessions, some are tiny insights into corky habits. But i'd bet that all of them are completely unexpected. You don't see that bottom layer of people in most everyday situations. I think, as a whole, that we're all pretty good at suppressing it.

My problem now, and just as i though it was moving past it, is that i feel i was your PostSecret. No matter how big the stage was that we stood on, and no matter how many hands we shook and smiles we pushed out, we always knew that at the end of the day we go to the other and be completely and utterly honest. Secrets we hadn't shared with anyone else. It created this trust and, i'll be honest, i fell in love with the person that no one else knew even though so many had tried to get in close enough t see it.

I miss talking about everything. I miss talking period, but this small talk kills me. Only because i was sure that my place wasn't on this side of things. I never thought i'd be the one receiving the perfect smile, and not getting a chance to know what's really going on behind the makeup. I'm not sure i want what everyone else gets. I wanted the PostSecret side as well. You in all of your funny surprises and darkest worries. 

I never kept a secret from you... until the last time I saw you when I was asked how all was and I said "fine". Don't get me wrong life is great, gorgeous even... but not quite fine. Something in me hasn't been able to rest since august.