Widening the Margins

2010 will be known, for me, as the year that God shook my world completely. It's been 23 years coming. I know undoubtedly that it will happen, that it needs to happen, and there's something strange i find myself doing. It's almost like i'm preparing for it. Like God said to me "hey dave, i'm gonna change a lot of things in and about you this year." and I began scurrying around the house picking up, and dusting because... well... God is coming over.

You know, it's really strange, work that I use to find tedious and daunting like some great looming task is now so much easier. Like spring cleaning when you're expecting company that you're excited to receive. Sure, the work doesn't actually get any easier, but with the excitement and motivation you have to do it, you just don't seem to mind as much.

And now, like some great puzzle, i'm staring down at my life spread out on the table and I have no earthly idea where to begin in piecing everything together, but I can at least see the pieces clearly. The blank beige backs have been flipped over exposing the tiniest hint of a greater picture that I feel Him calling me to bring to life.

Its strange knowing you're called very specifically to build onto something, and knowing without any shadow of doubt that its a very detailed, specific and eternal task you're called to... and yet you don't quite have enough details to really be able to boil it down to one simple sentence full of of purpose. So i'll widen the margins on my explanation of what i see coming until I hear clearly the voice of God tell me to narrow it down and what to narrow it down to.

I'm called to be a servant, and i'm waiting for my next task.

Spiritual Contraception: A Heart Issue

I've had the really awesome opportunity to see the church in North America in a lot of different communities. I gotten to travel through the Mid-west, spend some time in Montreal, Toronto, New Brunswick, and all the way down to Central America. Then of course there's the Bible belt here in Texas and we have our own brand of "hallelujah!" here. So i've gotten to meet a lot of really... interesting people. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, i just mean to say that when you're completely removed from any and all comfort zone, or familiar environments you get to see things more objectively.

Now i've been reprimanded for tattoos and "ear jewelry", i've been healed when i didn't realize i needed healing and been told that worship would've been much better if my guitar hadn't been making "those darn zippin' noises" the whole time. BUT i've also been met with unyielding hospitality, received words of confirmation and encouragement, and learned lessons in places i thought i was brought in to teach.

One lady stands out in mind as i'm writing. I was in a small church in Houston. We'd just finished leading the church in worship and i was meeting new people and thanking everybody for having us, when i saw her coming for me. We locked eyes for one second and the next she was right there in my personal space.

"Oh honey you're pregnant!"

"...Um... excuse me?"

"Yes dear, you're pregnant with the spirit, stop ignoring it."

"...I... uh... yes ma'am."

"oh dear look at me, i'm scaring you half to death here. I'm sorry, i get excited and lose all tact. Here's the thing though. I see you're pregnant with a great deal of healing and power, and believe that God wants you to realize it before you drown it out in the lights."

"..........."

"Thanks so much for visiting! We enjoyed it. 'Night!"

I had chalked that night up with the rest of the "crazies", but that woman's words have been on my heart lately. I came across a website that is trying an experiment. 60 days dedicated to improving one's communication with God. Post-it notes on the bathroom mirrors, watches set to beep every hour on the hour, and a thousand other little reminders to help improve our communication with God.

Spiritual Contraception.

I need just as much improvement in the this area as the worst of us, but something seriously bugged me about this for some reason, and after thinking about it long and hard i realized its the habitual nature of the thing. The idea of giving God a whole 60 days to form the habit in us of talking to him when our world is interrupted by a watch beep or a post-it note. And so the problem i think i see in us is a heart issue. As unhealthy and threatening to a thriving relationship with God as i think this experiment is, how do you teach a genuine desire to communicate with God. How do you teach a soul to grow short of breath when it hasn't heard it's makers voice. How do you avoid the "spiritual contraception" in actions that turn our response to God in to habit. How do you teach the actions of an adolescent Jesus who meets His heart-sick worried parents with "Why is it you've been looking for me? Did you not know that I had to be in my Fathers house?" (Luke 2:41-52) After they've been looking for Him for 3 days only to find Him with the elders in the church. Talking, learning.

"I had to be in my Father's house" Nurturing the pregnant will of God that was growing in Him. Not stifling it with habit out of responsibility, but growing it with devotion out of desire.

It's still a question i'm not sure i have the answer to. How do you teach desire? I don't know, but i've learned how to smother it. May our hearts be aware and sensitive to the habits we form, great though they may seem, that aren't born out of genuine desire.

A prayer more than a review - Pedro the Lion/David the Digger

So i just bought David Bazan's new record "Curse Your Branches". Incredible stuff. If you've followed him at all throughout his career you'd know his first band, Pedro the Lion, and the massive impact they had on christian music in their unwavering honesty. Something that's so scarce and so precious in a scene that can be dominated by idealism and porcelain fronts -Fragile and beautiful. I remember the first PtL record i bought, the Whole EP. It was the first experience i had with a record that made me feel like i was sitting down and having the most honest conversation of my life with someone. Not be sold anything. Lyrics like: "Rest in me little David and dry all your tears, You can lay down your armor and have no fear. Cause i'm always here when you're tired of running, i'm all the strength that you need." (Lullaby, Whole Ep, '97), or his heartfelt rendition of Be Thou My Vision (The Only Place I Feel Secure, '99). These songs Felt like something new to me.

David went on to form another band later on called The Headphones. One that explored more controversial methods of communication. Tracks like S**t Talker, Gas and matches, and Hot Girls, dug their finger deeper into wounds that the church was trying to cover up in an effort to raise awareness and instead raised hell. Angry undertones caught my attention and eventually i came to believe that some things he said in sarcastic tone, were really being said out loud as he convinced himself of there cynical truth.

So here i'm listening to his new record and admiring the signature honesty that Bazan can pull of in a way that makes you empathize with him. But i'm hearing blatant lyrics like "Did you push us when we fell?" and "In my throat, there swells a darkness. It fills my mouth, and coats my lips... Oh, falling leaves should curse their branches, For not letting them decide where they should fall, And not letting them refuse to fall at all." Or the saddest of all "When Job asked you a question, You responded, 'Who are you to challenge your creator?' Well if that one part is true It makes you sound defensive, like you had not thought it through, like you didn't have an answer, like you bit off more than you could chew"

What happened to a, once so positive, poet? My calvinist friend might tell me he just wasn't one of the "Divine Elect", or he would irresistibly be God's forever. My Armenianist friend might tell me he's just exercising his free will and changing his mind like our Benevolent God gave us the choice to do. Both would argue their point fervently, but both would speak SOLEY from opinion and interpretation. It's been my experience that the one thing no one can legitimately argue is experience.

"God changed my life."

"No He didn't"

It just doesn't work. Only that person can say what they've experienced, and no one else can take that from them. My point being i found something in PtL's music early on that i could identify with. Something that i saw was beautiful. And when a man that celebrate as a poet turned a corner, he didn't take me with him. And neither should any argument that anyone throws at you.

Here's what i'm getting at... experience God for yourself. I have no idea what's going through the mind of David Bazan, nor the heart thereof, and i never will. But i commend him for always digging. Unfortunately he hasn't found what he was looking for.... i know i have. I know i found it in the face of a passionate loving God.

So take what ANYONE says to you with a grain of salt. Test it, and hold on to what is good. Experience God for yourself and make up your own mind. There are so many "movements" nowadays and they're all fighting for your allegiance. But we either swear our allegiance to God, or to nothing at all. Those are our choices. He is everything and everything apart from Him is nothing. I challenge you to experience Him for yourself, dig into him. See what you find.

Interesting links: Then Now

Growing Facial Hair

I can't go grow cool facial hair. True story. There are a hundred different cool looks and i can't pull any of them off. My side burn come in thick and long and grow out onto my cheeks a bit,but then kinda fade out. I could grow a hardcore neck-beard just below my chin but the hair ON my chin is scattered and weak. oh and i've got the mustache thing down, but (unfortunately for me) i'm not a State Trooper.

It's an obvious right of passage to at least be able to grow some decent facial hair. Without it, Shia Labeouf would still just be that kid from Even Stevens, Jean-Claude Van Dam would just be some hard to understand french-ish guy with creepy ability to do the splits, and the 80's would've been deprived of the question "Does George Michael's stubble ever grow?". So i find myself in quite a situation...

I want to be a man. I mean, a hardcore, no nonsense, punch-you-in-the-face, MAN. But how manly can i be with this sad excuse for stubble? A buddy of mine, Jason King, built a blog that you can find on my list of following that he entitled "Growing Facial Hair: it's like playing dress up for guys... we act grown". I still love that and not just because it makes me feel better about my naked cheek, but because every guy hits a wall in his mid 20's where he finds it's time to grow up and every girl trying to find a guy in his mid 20's is struggling to pull one away from his Wii. So we're posed with a lot of questions... rather i should say there're a number questions that no one is asking. Number one being "What's wrong here?!" I'm noticing some big issues being dismissed as silly differences between boys and girls,. This isn't ok.

Men... boys, let's grow up. Let's stop asking the girl how far she's comfortable with going when we know how far is too far. Let's take initiative in setting boundaries in our relationships instead of deciding if we benefit enough from the boundaries we're letting everyone else set. This is sad, and i won't lose another brother to stupid and immature decisions. To fear of responsibility or inability to be a rock for his community because of a desire to have a cute hand to hold...

It's time we showed the qualities we were made for. Integrity to accompany our scruffy chins and bushy beards. A strong character to overshadow stereotypical habits. It's time we measured manliness in a new way. Men... boys, let's grow up.

This is Not a Game...

This is not a game. Let me preface this entire writing by saying it will not be something to add to this poison spitting contest. To divide, to dismantle. That being said... let's dispel some miscommunications, shall we?

Dear Trevor Keezer of Okeechobee, Fl. You're no hero. Please stick with me long enough to understand however i'm not saying you're the problem here, but i believe that stories like this one are symptoms of a very delusional body of believers.

For those who haven't heard the story click here to do so.

I believe that we belong to a family that is meant to leave behind a legacy of more than t shirts and pins. Trevor, no one was asking you not to read your bible in the break area. No one was asking to not show the absolute best service you could to every costumer that came through there and no one was asking you to not go the extra mile when a co worker needs a prayer and encouragement.

Church, let's get our hands dirty.

Let's stand against real injustices with words of peace and cause change. Let's stop spitting poison at each other with the objective of building our own kingdoms. This is not a game and i'm tired. if we're being honest, i'm angry. Not at Trevor, and again i'm sorry to take aim at you Trevor to prove a point. My point being there is a very active enemy we face. He's raising our kids and teaching us politics. He's sleeping in our homes and in some instances i believe we've seen him in our churches. and guess what... He could give a crap what kind of pins we wear. But he trembles when we speak words of peace and healing in the name of our King. He shutters when people hear that they can be restored from all the lies of his sick kingdom. So let's.

Church, let's get angry.

A friend recently told me that the best leaders are the angry ones, because they're the ones who think things need to change and change them. Not destructive, not negative, but angry. Angry is ok. Because, let's face it, those of us who are content with the way things are aren't leading anyone anywhere.

I'm hopeful because i know that there are people in my life and in this city who read this and feel a fire. Feel encouraged that there are others who aren't ok with where we are and want to build something better. And there are hundreds of people in this city that have already begun the work. I wont let this blog come off as a finger pointed at all christians saying everything is wrong , because that's not the case. I was just reminded very recently that very often we can be a large part of the problem if we aren't careful.

Be encouraged. Let's guard our hearts and therefore our words. That we wouldn't spit poison and negativity within this body of Christ. This is not a game.

Sweaty, Awkward, & Honest...

I watched him walk way to his house today with a Dr. Pepper in one hand and another unopened one in the other... It's a good 3 mile walk from the church to his house but he insisted he walks it all the time.

Sebastian came to us Yesterday for the first time. Walked down to our offices after he was found wandering around the church without a reason, covered in sweat from his walk from school to here.

"I just moved here from california."

"My parents were recently divorced."

"What's your story David?"

"Ya i believe in Jesus. Like i think He can turn stones into food or other things that hurt people like me might need."

"My dad is a satanist and thinks places like these are for fools.... i'm still not sure if he's right or not, but i had to see for myself...."

Wow... lots strange thing to be hearing from a kid for the first time. We skipped right past our favorite bands and sports and b lined "my dad is a satanist." I'm not gonna lie, i've spent the better part of my arguably young life in ministry. We prepare for moments similar to these but it seemed to me that in this moment i had to filter through conference upon conference and 5 years worth of break out sessions to know how to handle this broken kid. I've been trained like crazy for years on how to break down walls and get people to open up. How to do so without making them feel uncomfortable, but this kid spared me the games.

Honest and strange eyes stared back at me spitting brutal truth. "I really don't know what i believe but i know that ending up like my father is my absolute last resort. You think God might let me be something better...?"

... Ouch.

Here, i've ben looking around the room for a way out of one of the most awkward talks of my life and then i'm reminded in the most brutal of ways... this is what i'm here for. Sebastian was outright begging me for the explicit Gospel. And it broke my heart to realize that the Gospel truth wasn't my first reaction. I told Sebastian the story of Saul/Paul and how the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th chances picked him up and used an murderer to become the greatest teacher in the New Testament. He seemed hopeful and excited.

Aside from the Dr. Peppers he left that day with a bible and promised to come back this past sunday after reading John 1 & 2. He didn't. But i'm hoping that he wanders into my office again soon. Sweaty, awkward and honest. i hope he comes to remind me of why i'm here and what my priorities are. And i'll work with my office door open until he does.

Something in the Way We Move...

I saw a movie today that reminded me of moments in my life i'm least proud of. Needless to say it's one i wont recommend. Thinking back on every one of those moments, those decisions i made (and thanking God that by His grace they're fewer and farther between than they could've been) reminded me of a few things: 

First of the ache that so many of us burn with as every muscle in our body moves to depravity. Every thought, every act of our hand works to undo, to disarm, to break down and cripple. Every single prompting from our own mind urges the tongue to spit poison. Poison even to our very own minds and hearts. 

Second of the lengths we go through to ensure that our nature is fed. The elaborate schemes our hearts allow us to prepare to provide fuel for bitterness and hatred, thoughts of death and disunity. Knowing full well all along that we will watch the things we love fall apart for the briefest moments of pleasure. Men will watch families and even nations fall, with greedy beaty eyes drinking in the chaos. Not one of us is immune...

But thirdly... Lastly... most importantly... That there is standard to which all is measured. Only by this standard are our actions and thoughts of greed and blood lust even notable. Only in the light of this perfect standard can we even understand that there is a need - that there is an alternative to... death. 

That this standard lives and breathes. 

Speaking life into darkened hearts and clarity to moldy minds. It changes something so drastically in the way we move. That now our words bring resurrection and our hands bring healing. 

We are people who bear the source of life in our chests, and we forfeit our legacies of vision and purpose because we forget that it's something we have to claim in our lives daily. Saved from the eternal consequence permanently but not from our own desire until faithfully departed. Every moment still presenting the decision to claim our decaying nature or our redeemed inheritance in the way we act. 

Know these truths. Own them. Claim them daily.